Save Your Money And Don’t Buy Her That Drink….Yet

I was chatting with a girl friend of mine about the challenges of dating.  Always great insight getting her perspective on the approaches that work and those that don’t.  One of the approaches that has been around for a long time is the “Buy Her a Drink” approach.  Basically you are using the drink to break the ice with a girl you have never met before.  Many a guy have used this technique.  Not sure what the success rate is but many of my friends swear by this method.

Well, according to my lady friend she completely disagrees with that approach.  She gave me 3 reasons that make a lot of sense.

  1.  When you buy her a drink in exchange for a conversation it now becomes a transaction.  Now she must make a decision.  Quickly reject the offer because she doesn’t know you or what you could have put in that drink, take the free drink and feel obligated to chat with you or take the free drink and after a few minutes make an excuse to get out of the conversation and enjoy her free drink with her friends.
  2. Another one of her reasons is that it makes you look desperate.  “Can’t you hold a conversation with me without trying to get me drunk?”  Trust me cute girls are facing this approach all the time.  They know the intent and it’s no secret what you are trying to get out of it.
  3. You’ll save money.  For those girls that go up to you and ask you to buy them a drink.  They have one purpose in mind.  To have a great time getting drinks on your dime with no intent on going home with you.  They know there are suckers all over the club or bar that will offer up drinks.  They’ll even get these guys to not only buy them drinks but even their friends.  Before you know it you’ll have to take out a loan to pay off that tab.

In the end her advice is to be confident and realize you have a lot to offer.  Approach girls genuinely looking to get to know them and you’ll have as much success as you would have with the buying drink approach but with more money in your wallet.  If the conversation is going well and she sticks around then you can be a gentleman and ask her what’s she’s drinking and pay for her next one.

Be Careful With First Date Drinking

Pick Up Tips from Your Server

After witnessing countless nervous couples meet, fall in love and return to celebrate their anniversaries, your server’s got a lot more to offer than the daily specials! Read on…

Need some advice from the front lines of the dating world? Talk to your server. Day in and day out, they’re the ones who overhear the awkward conversations and see the hopeful come-hither looks from behind the appetizer menu. Think your waitress doesn’t know you’re on a date? Think again. The wait staff absolutely does know, and they have a lot to say about it. Check out this excellent pick-up and dating advice from waiters and waitresses:

Choose your target wisely.
“Know your level,” says Charles Drengberg, co-founder of “If you’re a newly divorced 50-year-old man who’s kind of out of shape and drives a Toyota, don’t bother hitting on the 23-year-old bombshell wearing the Louboutins. Hit on the 35-year-old divorcee with a bit of spilled margarita on her blouse buying the shots for her friend’s bachelorette party instead.”

Treat your server well.
“I see a lot of dates come into my restaurant, and one thing I would suggest to men is to treat their servers well,” advises Darron Cardosa, a waiter in New York City and the voice behind The Bitchy Waiter. “I am not saying that because I want a better tip; I’m saying it because I feel that women pay close attention to how their date treats other people,” Cardosa explains. “I work in a small neighborhood restaurant. One woman who is a regular often uses our restaurant as a first-date spot for men she has met on dating websites. When he goes to the bathroom, she will call me over and ask me what I think.”

Look into the object of your affection’s eyes.
“Wait for meaningful eye contact and a smile,” advises Drengberg. “If a girl is avoiding eye contact with you, it’s because she’s not into you. It’s not because she’s being coy. Don’t creep up on girls like a Black Ops paratrooper. Wait for a woman to give you a reason to talk to her.”

Head to the bar, not the bistro.
“Meeting a partner in a restaurant is a much more difficult proposition than it is in a bar,” says Gregg Rottler, founder of “In restaurants, diners are isolated [while seated at] their tables, making introductions challenging. Slowly sauntering by someone’s table looking for the telltale ring on a finger can easily prove unsuccessful, since hands are often concealed underneath the table.”

Ask questions.
“I would tell men not to talk too much about themselves,” says Cardosa. “It’s so clear when a woman’s turned off by her date because he’s talking about his interests non-stop. Ask her questions about what she likes! Everyone likes to talk about themselves, but we only want to do it if we think the other person is interested.”

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5 Ways to Dress to Impress at Work

While most bosses won’t check out the labels on your clothes (unless you are have an extremely high-profile job where fashion is everything), the way you dress will likely make an impression on your boss no matter where you work. Looking presentable is important; waking up and throwing on clothes without thinking about what you are wearing won’t score you points. Certain factors — including how your clothes fit, which colors you wear, and how much skin you show — can affect how other people perceive you at work. Neat, presentable work attire can help you move up in your career, or at least keep your job, while consistent inappropriate clothing may negatively affect the way your boss perceives you. Particularly if your company has a dress code (official or not), breaking it can mean bad news for you. Thankfully, you can dress to impress if you follow these five easy steps.

1. Think about your audience

It’s common to hear people say to dress for your day, and this is great advice. Target has been in the news recently for creating a dress for your day atmosphere, which is something that is becoming very popular at many different companies. Dress for your day implies that you should do just that; if you’re sitting at your desk all day and your company allows jeans, then that might be just fine. However, if you have a meeting with an important client or your boss, you might want to dress up in a nice suit, or at least business attire.

Regularly thinking about your audience will show that you care about your job, and that you take it seriously. Many people also say that you should dress for the job you want: this means that even if everyone else in your job class wears jeans and polo shirts, you might want to dress a little nicer.

2. Be neat

Obviously, if you work at a fast-food restaurant with a required shirt, you won’t have a lot of options besides possibly which black pants you wear. However, you can control how neatly you dress in any situation. Tuck your shirt in, and make sure you wash it regularly. It doesn’t matter if every other person you work with is wearing the same shirt as you; if your shirt is clean and tucked in, and some of your coworkers’ shirts are ripped or dirty, you will be the one looking more presentable.

The above analogy is true for more than just a job at a restaurant. Looking neat and presentable is important for any job. Many workplaces are now encouraging a regular casual dress code; although you may be allowed to wear jeans, that doesn’t mean that you should wear jeans with holes in them. You can be neat no matter what you wear. The same is true for a business suit: a business suit isn’t impressive if it doesn’t look neat and well-maintained.

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Break Up Advice for Men with Trouble Letting Go

A lot of the break up advice for men out there focuses on how to move on from a relationship and find a new girl. But before you start dating after a break up, it’s important to first create a life where you are happy and fulfilled independent of your relationship status. To reach that point, be sure to follow the tips below on how to move on from a break up.

Move on from a break up by keeping active
When getting over a break up you’re going to have periods where you feel down and out. One of the most effective ways of breaking the cycle of depression that comes when getting over a break up is to stay active and exercise. Not only will exercise release endorphins in your brain (which puts you in a good mood) but that feeling of accomplishment that comes after a tough workout (and the results you’ll see as your body) will help you build confidence. This daily boost in mood and confidence will be huge in helping you get over a break up.

So when figuring out how to get over a break up, an important thing to focus on is committing about an hour a day to some form of exercise (running, biking, weight lifting, basketball – whatever you enjoy). When possible, exercise in the morning. That will set a positive tone for the day which is going to make it easier to move on after a break up.

Get over an ex-girlfriend (by refocusing your energy)
When dealing with a break up you’re going to find you have a lot more free time than before. Instead of filling that time with passive activities like watching TV or surfing the web (which will only make you more depressed) use that free time as a chance to grow as a man. Move on from your ex-girlfriend and focus your time and energy on something positive – like learning a new skill or exploring a hobby. Not only will the activity itself help you feel better, but looking back on all the progress you’ve made will build confidence – which again is critical when getting over a break up.

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Things You Should Never Say to a Woman on a First Date

Yes, she’s smart, funny, attractive and single. You feel that it’s time, five minutes into the date, to say something that the logical side of your brain isn’t so sure about.

Stop talking.

Stop talking.

Seriously, stop making words. You want to stand out. You’ve had some alcohol. You end up trying to casually mention your bank account or workout routine. You don’t succeed because that approach never succeeds.

“You fear she won’t know how great you are unless you tell her repeatedly,” says Ann Demarais, Ph.D., psychologist and co-author of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. “But you become self-focused, and the pure nerves make you less articulate and thoughtful than you usually are.”

It’s all right to be confident and direct. It’s also good to be relaxed and the kind of guy who puts the focus on her. But if you want to start getting more second dates, a solid place to start is by simply not saying stupid things on the first.

It sounds easy, but many of your past and present brethren have failed that challenge.

Not sure what qualifies as stupid? Take a look at these and then start a new tradition with some addition by subtraction.

1. “I like to take my sweet time with everything. Everything.”

Easy, love doctor. You make it sound as if she’s been orgasmless and only you can end the drought. You may think you’re being smooth and original, but you’re not. Best to remain silent.

2. “According to Facebook, you had some fun last weekend.”

Say nothing about your online discoveries until she shares. Then it’s okay: “I saw your work. Nice about the Nobel.”

She’ll feel that she was worth being checked out by a guy who doesn’t prejudge.

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5 Tips To Have A Good First Date

For a lot of us geeks and nerds it can be nerve raking talking to girls.  Asking a girl out on a date even worse.  However, if we are able to muster the courage to actually ask somebody out we have to stay out of our own way just so we don’t screw it up.    Here are 5 tips to help you in your journey and challenge of that first date.


  1. Ask questions: If you aren’t 100% familiar with your date and are nervous.  Ask questions.  This solves two issues.  You will find out more and more about your date and can lead to even more topics and you avoid that dreaded awkward silence.  Now you don’t want to fire one question after another.  Truly listen and be interested in learning about them.  Oh, don’t mess with political or religious questions because things could get ugly.


  1. Don’t try so hard: So many times we make the mistake of trying to make everything perfect. Trying to be charming and funny and deep.  Don’t! Be the best version of you that you can be but at the end of the day you still need to be you.  After all if it does work out they’ll find out eventually.


  1. Have Fun: Enjoy yourself and relax.  If you think of worst case scenario the date goes bad and you don’t go out again.  Who cares.  The point of those first dates is trying to find that person you fit with.  I know we can get down when it doesn’t go well but at the end of the day you have to keep meeting girls and keep asking them out to find that good match that you’d like to continue to see.  So while on these dates enjoy yourself.  Go to places that you enjoy going to.  Doesn’t have to be dinner.  Sport events like baseball are great because you can hang out.  However if the game is long and date is bad you may need to click the eject button before the 7th inning stretch.


  1. Know when to leave: This goes for good and bad dates.  If you are on a bad one that’s easy.  You pretty much start waiving down your waiter mid meal and hit the eject button.  I know a lot of us though can stick around too long when things are going good.  We can look like a very promising future 2nd date one moment but then linger around and try to keep this perfect going.  Now we are annoying and that second date is now pretty much gone.  Know when to leave.  If you went out for dinner finish it off at dinner with an exchange of number so another date can be set.  As the great Dale Carnegie wrote, leave before they want you to leave.


  1. Respect their space: Don’t be clingy and touchy feely. Unless they initiate it be respectful of their space or you’ll turn into creep touchy feely guy.  If fined to offer your hand when she’s getting out of your car or going into a restaurant but don’t smother her.

Why Summer Is The Best Time For Online Dating

With longer, brighter days, rooftop happy hours, summer Fridays and more relaxed vibes in the office, there’s no doubt the hottest season of the year is prime time for online love. Though it’s a common belief that online dating has its peak at the start of the year, when folks start to consider their goals for the next 12 months, every seasonal shifts offers a new challenge to find love for singles.

As online dating expert and dating coach Julie Spira explains, “With every new season, there’s an uptick in usage for online daters and new members joining dating sites and apps.” But while all of the various times of year present opportunities to make and meet a match, Spira says the summer is extra sizzling though. So if you’re in the market to find love — or at least have a handful of steamy dates — here’s why you should go ahead and sign up and put your thumb to work ASAP:

1. People Are Happier In The Summer

Though it might be an attractive smile, gorgeous eyes or a fit body that grabs your attention, what will keep it is the personality that comes with it. And while not everyone suffers from seasonal depression, increased vitamin D and more time spent in the great outdoors, instead of watching the snow fall, makes for overall happier people. And while a sexy style is nice, someone who can laugh, let go and be fun to be around is a much bigger turn on. “With the longer hot days, hot summer fun is on the mind of many singles. Whether it’s a summer romance that goes from Memorial Day to Labor Day, or actually finding love online, a new season does represent new beginnings,” Spira says.

2. Update Your Profile To Be More Active

You might have spent the winter going on skiing trips, tubing down glacier mountains and creating crockpot concoctions (you go, dude) — but if you still have those icy photos on your profile? Spira says it’s time to start the editing process, ASAP. To attract a summer fling, you want to make sure your profile illustrates all of the outdoor adventures and activities that bring you joy during this season. Not only are active photos more likely to get swipes and engagement, but it shows off the kind of dates that you might propose to a new crush.

“I encourage single to have a digital facelift of their dating profiles in the summer. That includes new photos, updating your bio to include some of your favorite travel adventures or concerts, and refreshing to meet someone new,” she says. “Ditch the snow ski shots and replace them with water skiing if that’s your thing. If not, include a photo of flying a kite, taking a hike, anything that shows your interests outdoors.

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How To Dress On A Date

Let’s face it: Women love clothes. Why else are they constantly shopping and complimenting their girlfriends on that incredible new top or pair of pumps? And while you may be wondering, “What does this have to do with me?” I’ll tell you: More and more, women are expecting, even demanding, that the men they date look more like the “after” images on Queer Eye than the “before.” In other words, showing up at a swanky martini bar in your college hoodie and lucky sneakers may make that first date your last. But passing their scrutinizing standards isn’t as hard as you think; nor does it involve blowing your bank account on a whole new wardrobe. Just keep these simple tips from fashion experts in mind to show women you do indeed have a clue when it comes to style.

Tip #1: Whatever you do, don’t wear khakis
To many men, khakis may seem like the perfect first-date standby, being dressier than jeans but more casual than dress pants. But experts adamantly stress men should avoid khakis. “Khakis scream ‘casual workplace,’” explains Bruce Pask, style director of the men’s fashion magazine Cargo. “They just don’t seem sexy.” Jeans, on the other hand, are sexy—and perfectly acceptable these days in nearly any dating scenario (barring a really fancy restaurant with a dress code). Just be sure to stick to the basic dark pair of jeans—no matter how much you paid for the overly distressed, hole-y, “rumpled,” bleached, ripped, or torn ones.

Tip #2: Give the striped dress shirt a rest
When it comes to impressing a woman, standing out from the crowd can be key—and on that front, nothing kills your chances like a striped dress shirt. Look around at a bar or restaurant. Aren’t stripes everywhere? That’s why you’ll do much better with a shirt with a subtler pattern. “Open it up at the neck, and lose the tie, which can make a guy look choked up,” says Pask. A nice polo shirt is a more casual alternative, and also works well under a sport jacket. And last but not least, the shirt should be tucked in. “A shirt halfway in, halfway out is a big pet peeve of mine,” says Kelly Rae, fashion and grooming director of the men’s magazine Stuff. “I like a guy who knows to tuck it in.”

Tip #3: A little color goes a long way
Unless you’re heading out to meet a Goth chick, dressing all in black is a bit morose. “And don’t wear beige,” says Rae. “Neutral colors are boring.” On the other end of the

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21 Impressive First Date Ideas That Will Bring You Two Closer

First date is always important because it’s where you drop your first impression and most importantly, it plays a big role to determine whether or not this relationship will work out.

It’s just like choosing what to read. Let’s not talk about the book cover (I know, I know, Don’t just a book by its cover!) so now we all judge by how the story begins. No matter how amazing the storyline is, if the introduction failed to grab readers’ attention, no one is going to read it because no one likes to get their time wasted. Relationship works this way too.

If you need ideas to secure your first date and your own impression, You’ve come to the right place! When I first started dating, my idea of a date was the stereotypical cheap-dinner-and-a-movie. Don’t hate on me, I didn’t know any better! By the time I finished high school I was pretty comfortable in my own skin and got pretty good at coming up with ideas for dates. I’ve put together a list of some of my favorites as well as some suggested by friends. Enjoy!

Outdoor Adventures

  1. Go for a walk – This is such a simple first date idea but most shy away from it because they feel like they must do something complex in order for their date to be impressed. Wrong! The only ideas you need to impress your date with are the ones that you articulate as your conversation progresses. If you are an interesting person and have found a fun person to spend time with, rest assured that a walk about town will be just fine. Remember, the idea is to leave your date wanting more. As a warning, you may be tempted to start talking about previous relationships. Don’t. That’s not how to get over an ex. Rather, enjoying the company of a fun new person without dwelling on the past will serve you best!

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