Yes, she’s smart, funny, attractive and single. You feel that it’s time, five minutes into the date, to say something that the logical side of your brain isn’t so sure about.
Seriously, stop making words. You want to stand out. You’ve had some alcohol. You end up trying to casually mention your bank account or workout routine. You don’t succeed because that approach never succeeds.
“You fear she won’t know how great you are unless you tell her repeatedly,” says Ann Demarais, Ph.D., psychologist and co-author of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. “But you become self-focused, and the pure nerves make you less articulate and thoughtful than you usually are.”
It’s all right to be confident and direct. It’s also good to be relaxed and the kind of guy who puts the focus on her. But if you want to start getting more second dates, a solid place to start is by simply not saying stupid things on the first.
It sounds easy, but many of your past and present brethren have failed that challenge.
Not sure what qualifies as stupid? Take a look at these and then start a new tradition with some addition by subtraction.
1. “I like to take my sweet time with everything. Everything.”
Easy, love doctor. You make it sound as if she’s been orgasmless and only you can end the drought. You may think you’re being smooth and original, but you’re not. Best to remain silent.
2. “According to Facebook, you had some fun last weekend.”
Say nothing about your online discoveries until she shares. Then it’s okay: “I saw your work. Nice about the Nobel.”
She’ll feel that she was worth being checked out by a guy who doesn’t prejudge.