Tag Archives: Bad First Dates

Things You Should Never Say to a Woman on a First Date

Yes, she’s smart, funny, attractive and single. You feel that it’s time, five minutes into the date, to say something that the logical side of your brain isn’t so sure about.

Stop talking.

Stop talking.

Seriously, stop making words. You want to stand out. You’ve had some alcohol. You end up trying to casually mention your bank account or workout routine. You don’t succeed because that approach never succeeds.

“You fear she won’t know how great you are unless you tell her repeatedly,” says Ann Demarais, Ph.D., psychologist and co-author of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. “But you become self-focused, and the pure nerves make you less articulate and thoughtful than you usually are.”

It’s all right to be confident and direct. It’s also good to be relaxed and the kind of guy who puts the focus on her. But if you want to start getting more second dates, a solid place to start is by simply not saying stupid things on the first.

It sounds easy, but many of your past and present brethren have failed that challenge.

Not sure what qualifies as stupid? Take a look at these and then start a new tradition with some addition by subtraction.

1. “I like to take my sweet time with everything. Everything.”

Easy, love doctor. You make it sound as if she’s been orgasmless and only you can end the drought. You may think you’re being smooth and original, but you’re not. Best to remain silent.

2. “According to Facebook, you had some fun last weekend.”

Say nothing about your online discoveries until she shares. Then it’s okay: “I saw your work. Nice about the Nobel.”

She’ll feel that she was worth being checked out by a guy who doesn’t prejudge.

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5 Tips To Have A Good First Date

For a lot of us geeks and nerds it can be nerve raking talking to girls.  Asking a girl out on a date even worse.  However, if we are able to muster the courage to actually ask somebody out we have to stay out of our own way just so we don’t screw it up.    Here are 5 tips to help you in your journey and challenge of that first date.

 

  1. Ask questions: If you aren’t 100% familiar with your date and are nervous.  Ask questions.  This solves two issues.  You will find out more and more about your date and can lead to even more topics and you avoid that dreaded awkward silence.  Now you don’t want to fire one question after another.  Truly listen and be interested in learning about them.  Oh, don’t mess with political or religious questions because things could get ugly.

 

  1. Don’t try so hard: So many times we make the mistake of trying to make everything perfect. Trying to be charming and funny and deep.  Don’t! Be the best version of you that you can be but at the end of the day you still need to be you.  After all if it does work out they’ll find out eventually.

 

  1. Have Fun: Enjoy yourself and relax.  If you think of worst case scenario the date goes bad and you don’t go out again.  Who cares.  The point of those first dates is trying to find that person you fit with.  I know we can get down when it doesn’t go well but at the end of the day you have to keep meeting girls and keep asking them out to find that good match that you’d like to continue to see.  So while on these dates enjoy yourself.  Go to places that you enjoy going to.  Doesn’t have to be dinner.  Sport events like baseball are great because you can hang out.  However if the game is long and date is bad you may need to click the eject button before the 7th inning stretch.

 

  1. Know when to leave: This goes for good and bad dates.  If you are on a bad one that’s easy.  You pretty much start waiving down your waiter mid meal and hit the eject button.  I know a lot of us though can stick around too long when things are going good.  We can look like a very promising future 2nd date one moment but then linger around and try to keep this perfect going.  Now we are annoying and that second date is now pretty much gone.  Know when to leave.  If you went out for dinner finish it off at dinner with an exchange of number so another date can be set.  As the great Dale Carnegie wrote, leave before they want you to leave.

 

  1. Respect their space: Don’t be clingy and touchy feely. Unless they initiate it be respectful of their space or you’ll turn into creep touchy feely guy.  If fined to offer your hand when she’s getting out of your car or going into a restaurant but don’t smother her.