Tag Archives: Geek Dating Tips

Save Your Money And Don’t Buy Her That Drink….Yet

I was chatting with a girl friend of mine about the challenges of dating.  Always great insight getting her perspective on the approaches that work and those that don’t.  One of the approaches that has been around for a long time is the “Buy Her a Drink” approach.  Basically you are using the drink to break the ice with a girl you have never met before.  Many a guy have used this technique.  Not sure what the success rate is but many of my friends swear by this method.

Well, according to my lady friend she completely disagrees with that approach.  She gave me 3 reasons that make a lot of sense.

  1.  When you buy her a drink in exchange for a conversation it now becomes a transaction.  Now she must make a decision.  Quickly reject the offer because she doesn’t know you or what you could have put in that drink, take the free drink and feel obligated to chat with you or take the free drink and after a few minutes make an excuse to get out of the conversation and enjoy her free drink with her friends.
  2. Another one of her reasons is that it makes you look desperate.  “Can’t you hold a conversation with me without trying to get me drunk?”  Trust me cute girls are facing this approach all the time.  They know the intent and it’s no secret what you are trying to get out of it.
  3. You’ll save money.  For those girls that go up to you and ask you to buy them a drink.  They have one purpose in mind.  To have a great time getting drinks on your dime with no intent on going home with you.  They know there are suckers all over the club or bar that will offer up drinks.  They’ll even get these guys to not only buy them drinks but even their friends.  Before you know it you’ll have to take out a loan to pay off that tab.

In the end her advice is to be confident and realize you have a lot to offer.  Approach girls genuinely looking to get to know them and you’ll have as much success as you would have with the buying drink approach but with more money in your wallet.  If the conversation is going well and she sticks around then you can be a gentleman and ask her what’s she’s drinking and pay for her next one.

Things You Should Never Say to a Woman on a First Date

Yes, she’s smart, funny, attractive and single. You feel that it’s time, five minutes into the date, to say something that the logical side of your brain isn’t so sure about.

Stop talking.

Stop talking.

Seriously, stop making words. You want to stand out. You’ve had some alcohol. You end up trying to casually mention your bank account or workout routine. You don’t succeed because that approach never succeeds.

“You fear she won’t know how great you are unless you tell her repeatedly,” says Ann Demarais, Ph.D., psychologist and co-author of First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You. “But you become self-focused, and the pure nerves make you less articulate and thoughtful than you usually are.”

It’s all right to be confident and direct. It’s also good to be relaxed and the kind of guy who puts the focus on her. But if you want to start getting more second dates, a solid place to start is by simply not saying stupid things on the first.

It sounds easy, but many of your past and present brethren have failed that challenge.

Not sure what qualifies as stupid? Take a look at these and then start a new tradition with some addition by subtraction.

1. “I like to take my sweet time with everything. Everything.”

Easy, love doctor. You make it sound as if she’s been orgasmless and only you can end the drought. You may think you’re being smooth and original, but you’re not. Best to remain silent.

2. “According to Facebook, you had some fun last weekend.”

Say nothing about your online discoveries until she shares. Then it’s okay: “I saw your work. Nice about the Nobel.”

She’ll feel that she was worth being checked out by a guy who doesn’t prejudge.

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